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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012331">After Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoryMercury/pseuds/RoryMercury'>RoryMercury</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Black Butterfly [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Girl Genius (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Catharsis, F/M, Fanart, Forgiveness, Linked Music, as happy as this can get, includes artwork</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:47:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoryMercury/pseuds/RoryMercury</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarvek gets one last chance to beg for forgiveness... and say goodbye.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Agatha Heterodyne/Tarvek Sturmvoraus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Black Butterfly [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tarvek opened his eyes. The first thought he had was <em> I shouldn’t be able to. </em></p><p>Did someone bring him back? <em> No, impossible. Unless Martellus betrayed me yet again and that was not a nullabist knife after all. </em></p><p>The second thing he noticed was that he was clear-sighted. The black and red haze of murderous rage that he’d lived in for months, the cracked-crystal echoes and the greys of his vision was completely absent - Tarvek felt as normal as he ever got - as normal as a Spark like himself <em> could </em> get, at any rate. It had begun fading when he’d taken the knife from Martellus, but hadn’t been completely gone when he’d…</p><p>Suspiciously, Tarvek looked around. <em> How much time has passed since they brought me back? What have they done to me? Who did this? </em></p><p>He wasn’t in a lab, strapped down to a slab, or even in a hospital bed. He was standing in a parlour - a vaguely familiar one, but one he could not place. It seemed to be missing <em> something- </em> </p><p>-And suddenly, the spinet was there. <em> Sturmhalten? But why? </em></p><p>Tarvek looked down at himself. He was dressed as normal; but not particularly formally. What would have been ‘ordinary’ day clothes for him, back in the day. He tried to listen, tried to get a sense of <em> anything </em> … but his senses said that he was safe, that there was no danger, everything was <em> quiet </em> and <em> peaceful </em> . It was rather disorienting. If Tarvek didn’t know any better, he would have said that he had been sent back in time, to the morning before he’d met Agatha so long ago, only even <em> safer </em> than he’d ever felt before.</p><p>Puzzled, he walked over to the spinet and caressed the keys, then played the opening to <em> Moonlight Sonata </em>. The spinet’s notes were clearer and more beautiful than he remembered it ever producing in his life.</p><p>Life… <em> No, I </em> am <em> dead after all. </em></p><p>He suddenly felt a presence behind him. Recognition hit him like a blow, and with a discordant protest, he gripped the spinet for support. Without turning around, Tarvek <em> knew, </em>with a certainty that vibrated in every cell of his being, who it was. He wanted to turn, and fling himself at her feet, and beg for forgiveness… but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t bear to turn and see condemnation in her eyes, for what he had done.</p><p>“Agatha,” Tarvek whispered. “Is… is this my chance to apologise… for failing you? For killing you, before I go to Hell?”</p><p>The soft <em> clop </em> of her boots were the only indication of her moving closer. Tarvek managed to turn his head very slightly, but his fear kept him from looking over his shoulder. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Tarvek’s voice hitched. “I should have done <em> more, </em> I should have been more clever, I should have known that <em> she </em> would have done something like that to the machine… but I failed. When I <em> shouldn’t </em> have. I’m sorry. I can never apologise enough.” He closed his eyes. “For what it’s worth, I made sure she didn’t use your body… I avenged you in the end. Everyone at fault, - <em> everyone </em> - whose actions led to your ultimate fate paid the price.”</p><p>“It wasn’t <em> your </em> fault, Tarvek.” The sound of her voice, beloved and oh so missed, made Tarvek shudder with the effort not to break into sobs of grief and regret. </p><p>“Because I prioritised being careful and duties I needed to handle over escorting you out myself, you were intercepted by Vrin. Because of that, Lucrezia was installed into your brain. I thought… no, I <em> knew </em> you were gone. But when, by some miracle, you came back, what do I do? I <em> betrayed </em> you. You needed my help, I told you you could trust me, and, even if Lucrezia forced me to do her bidding with your body as her hostage, I betrayed you.” The words, the feelings of self-hatred and bitter self-recriminations flowed from Tarvek, like pus from a lanced wound. “Thus, I too, was at fault.”</p><p>“You’ve apologised to me about this already, Tarvek. In Castle Heterodyne, remember?”</p><p>“I was delirious. That barely counts.” He wanted to hold her so badly it hurt, as though acid had replaced blood. <em> Do I even really have blood at this point? </em> “The only way I could redeem myself was to remove Lucrezia from your mind. I failed. I failed you. I am grateful that God gave me the chance to apologise before… I don’t deserve it, but I am grateful.”</p><p>Tarvek turned, just enough to see the sunlight feathers of hair that stridently refused to stay smoothed down, no matter what Agatha had tried. Even borrowing his hair oil once hadn’t helped, though he’d enjoyed smelling that familiar nutty scent on her that day. <em> His scent, </em> on the woman he loved. </p><p>“I love you, Agatha Heterodyne. I would have done anything for you. I had so many dreams… if you’d chosen me in the end. It would have been so wonderful. To have life’s ongoing adventures with you. I would have been happy to be the father of your children, to grow old with you… I would have done my best to make you happy. But… I failed you in every way, and so…” Tarvek’s vision blurred. “I love you. I will <em> always </em> love you.”</p><p>“I forgive you.”</p><p>His eyes cleared briefly as the tears fell. The words, the feelings behind them, burned away the regrets and blame, leaving him dazed, aching. Tarvek sucked in a breath as arms - familiar arms, feminine yet strong, slipped around his waist from behind to embrace him. He recognised the body that pressed into his back, breathed in the scent of her as she laid her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“Agatha…” Tarvek placed his hands over hers and tipped his head back, leaning into her embrace.</p><p>Agatha held him tight, her fingers curling with his. “I have one regret, Tarvek… and I’d like to fix that.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I love you, Tarvek Sturmvoraus.” Agatha hugged him tighter, and pressed a kiss against his shoulder. “I never got to tell you that in life. I thought perhaps one day I would be able to tell you that I had those feelings for you, that I love you too.”</p><p>This time, the tears that rolled down Tarvek’s cheeks were that of joy. He turned around at last, in the circle of her arms, and looked down into Agatha’s shining emerald eyes, and wrapped his arms around her. For a long time, they held each other. Then Tarvek leaned back, tipped Agatha’s face up to his and bent to kiss her. She leaned up and met him halfway, and then there was only the happiness of a love returned.</p><p>After an eternity it seemed, but really may have only been a few minutes - <em> did time still matter or was that an artefact of one’s mortal mind still? </em> - Tarvek lifted his head, and smiled down at her. “Thank you, Agatha… but it’s best you go now. I am ready.”</p><p>Agatha tipped her head in confusion, then burst out laughing when she understood. “Tarvek, when it comes to <em> that </em> decision, it’s not one you or I make.” She took his hand. “But <em> if </em> you were going to Hell, I would have followed you.”</p><p>Tarvek eyes widened at that. “Then… it is a <em> good </em> thing that it seems I’m not going to Hell after all.”</p><p>“And if we did, I believe you would have conquered it for us.” Agatha grinned, that wild, carefree, Sparky grin that always made his heart soar, as she reached up and caressed his cheek, wiping away the last of his tears. “Come on. Let’s go. Eternity awaits.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~</p><p>(Click <a href="https://shadow.affsdiary.com/ggfanstuff/Afterlife.png">here if the illustration does not appear</a> below. If you get an error, right click, copy the link, paste in a new tab and hit enter and it should work; otherwise please click <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/cutelildrow/art/After-Life-870513414">here</a>.)</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The drawing came first. Then the story, because I needed to know why that tear was on Tarvek's cheek. And the story wouldn't leave me alone until it was written. Story was written with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZj8M0HOG98">this song</a> on loop.</p><p>After some thought I thought I'd add this to my notes. Thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orion_Hunter">Orion_Hunter</a> for talking it out with me and helping me figure it out.</p><p>This is a story about forgiving oneself.</p><p>I generally HC that while they might not believe, the Sturmvoraus and the rest of the Fifty Families are some flavour of Catholic, if nothing else because it's a tick in the box of legitimacy. Religion's hold may be <i>weakened</i> in the GGVerse in Europa, compared to our historical equivalent, but that doesn't mean it does *not* have any power, hold or influence at all (See: Martellus saying he has the support of two Popes, amongst others, to justify his legitimacy.) Tarvek is likely not to be a believer per se, but he'd know / have read about / have a fair working knowledge of the faith (and likely others) as part of his own studies, as well as just having been baptised, had First Communion, etc and so on to simply tick the various boxes of 'things to do' as well as a cultural thing.</p><p>So the moment that Tarvek recognises that he's dead, and yet conscious, he shouldn't be in this peaceful, quiet place; and realises that this waiting room is his Purgatory.</p><p>I was working on a half-remembered concept (which is from a movie, <i>What Dreams May Come</i>), that suicides end up self-condemning themselves to Hell because of regret and despair; the concept being that by taking their own life, the suicide has committed against themselves a mortal sin, (murdering themselves, failing the stewardship of one's life that is granted to them, etc) - though there are real world academic arguments that diminish the responsibility of the suicide and thus don't result in condemnation to hell but instead end up in Purgatory - the concept is that the send themselves into their own personal Hell, or send themselves to Hell, from the regret, and despair of ever being forgiven. The person who thinks they cannot be forgiven will likely not hear nor recognise it even when it's presented to them.</p><p>The human mind is a powerful thing - and Tarvek is a man with many, many regrets, and certainly this iteration of him has every reason to despair. He set out on his mission knowing that he will take his life in the end, essentially sacrificing his soul in order to punish everyone responsible for Agatha's death (the collateral damage being he also saves Europa from the Other.) He takes his life hoping he can see Agatha again and ask for her forgiveness - thus he ends up in his personal Purgatory. He <i>believes</i> he deserves to go to Hell, and would likely have self-condemned had he not been given his chance to- forgive <i>himself</i> his failures - something he cannot do, without knowing that Agatha forgives <i>him</i>. He spends most of the story terrified to look over his shoulder and see meet her eyes, because he is scared of the condemnation he <i>expects</i> to see from her, but is seeking forgiveness anyway. </p><p>Even if Agatha didn't blame him in the least, Tarvek needed to hear - and feel - her forgiveness before he could start allowing that he could be redeemable. When Agatha says that she loves him, he realises that he's made her happy in some way, and with Tarvek, nothing else matters but Agatha's happiness. He forgives himself and is at peace with himself when he finally pulls away, ready to face his punishment, unaware he's met the conditions for Heaven. He doesn't realise until it's spelled out for him that he isn't going to Hell after all - because it's Tarvek.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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